guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Screwed.edu
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
