how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
