It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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