My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
