Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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