At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
