1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
