Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
