I hope mine doesn't look like that
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
