I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
