there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
