Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
it's great music for shaving your balls
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
