If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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