Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
