Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We're too hungover to prance.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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