dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
