dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
