this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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