Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
