We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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