it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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