Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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