I'm so fucking centered right now
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
