you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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