girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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