if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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