OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize