roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
