when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
