How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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