worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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