Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
