i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You smell like stripper and shame
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
