What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize