I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
