Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
