Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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