I seem to have left my pride at pride
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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