The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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