shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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