yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im holly from the hills drunk
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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