all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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