we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
