she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize