Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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