there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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