Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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