ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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