i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
it glows. i had to have it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
