Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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