My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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