i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
