everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
