You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
