Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize