maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
