420 ftw
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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