I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
