It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Text me some of your sweat
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
