I wannas sexs uuuuu
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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