it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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