...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
