You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize