This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
