my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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