i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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