R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
