I think i peed on brittanys purse
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
