I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
