And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just found puke in my bra..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
As shirtless as possible
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
