We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
