i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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