You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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