I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
