i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
