PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
